It is clear to me that things have not worked out the way they were supposed to at any step along the way. It would be impossible for me to ignore the actions people have taken to see this is the case.

It is unfortunate that I will not be able to attend the mediation tomorrow in the case with Catholic Charities, but I am in Nevada with $6. I am not sure what will happen next in light of my inability to participate in the mandatory mediation.

A lot of things were lost in the last year. My car is gone. The digital camera mysteriously disappeared. I had to abandon property I could not store while homeless.

I am not currently homeless.

I have access to my books again. Most of the books do not speak to me right now as I am only interested in love. I did find one essay which has peaked my interest and does speak to me. It reminds me that while I have not married Eliza Dushku, as I desperately wanted to, my love for her is all that truly matters.

I think of her all the time. I distract myself as much as I can, but I am left completely aware of my longing for her.

46 Responses to “Heart”

  1. Dostoyevsky Says:

    You might want to re-read a few of my novels. Keep in mind, I had epilepsy with no treatment when I wrote them, and I have also spent many years in Siberian prison camps because of my liberal views. You may think my later works are pro-government, but if you read the subtext, you will see I am still a revolutionary. I write to express coherent moral and political philosophies, but really you can read my stuff to become inspired about artistic creation, as most people do…

    Good luck,


  2. CuriousGeorge Says:

    I hope you can now take action to move your life along and keep the love inside as a motivator to get you to another place in life. I realize you are disappointed in not being able to marry Eliza, but at least you know you are capable of intense love and that maybe you will meet someone else in the future that can reciprocate your feelings and is more approachable. Good luck!

  3. Dostoyevsky Says:

    You mentioned distracting yourself (from ED) as much as you can. There are few things more distracting than one my novels – laden with life’s rich pageantry, raw emotion, and suspense. Crime and Punishment, for example or the Brother Karamatzov. Let us not forget The Idiot or Notes from the Underground. All of them speak to the human condition…. But apart from their face value, my novels as they are written, are time honored masterpieces that provide inspiration for many struggling writers. After all, not many modern authors have suffered as I have. How many authors have you read that can stretch ONE sentence over 3 pages? That passion comes from my pain over the years.

    Take care. Enjoy some literature. You may find it will cheer you up if you give it a chance.

  4. Dostoyevsky Says:

    Here is the entire text of Brothers Karamatzov. Read the first 10 chapters (they are very sort) and you will not be able to stop.



  5. Dostoyevsky Says:

    Maybe this will sell you on it. Pay close attention to who plays Alexey.

  6. The Almighty Says:

    Have you considered making friends with my son?

    • I understand some people, like yourself, apparently think this is just a joke. It is not.

      • Seriously Says:

        I’m sorry. I was just trying to lighten your mood a bit. Seriously, though, I think what you are experiencing is nothing new. Check out this simple definition:


        I don’t like labels, per se, but it’s pretty clear you’ve ventured of the ‘normal’ path here. It’s no big deal. It doesn’t seem like you are a danger to yourself or others. Why not just talk to a health-care provider to get some relief?

      • Seriously Says:

        Sorry, I was just trying to lighten your mood. At any rate, I think you suffer for too much love. This is called “erotomania”. I don’t like labels unless they can help you improve your life or serve some kind of moral purpose for the betterment of everybody. Good luck. (I posted a definition of erotomaina before, but it didn’t meet the protocall for posting.

      • It’s called love. I’m a bit tired of the pyschobabble and people who post “jokes” anonymously only to say, but seriously…

      • Seriously Says:

        I appreciate you not censoring me, even though what I have to say makes you a bit defensive. Gold standard, statistical studies have been done on the treatment of the symptom of erotomania. You have a clear cut case of it. I don’t say that to be mean; its just a fact, based on your obsessive pursuit of a love interest who has shown no interest in you. Call it psychobabble if you will, but that doesn’t change your irrational behavior. I hope you find a way to be happy and healthy again. I’m not going to post on this blog anymore. It obviously is not doing you any good, which was my intent all along – to help you. But obviously, you are not ready to heal just yet. Good luck.

      • The post you have made has been made so many times there is simply no point in continually approving and replying to the comments.

  7. Sygman Rhee Says:

    Perhaps you should have stayed in Minnesota for the mediation. Without outreach at Branch 3 of Catholic Charities, Dollhouse is dead in the water. It’s disappointing that you shifted your focus from saving Dollhouse to marrying Eliza Dusku. The two are related, You can never marry Eliza Dusku without saving Dollhouse.

    Tell me about your proposed life with Eliza – where will you live? What will you name your children? What are you going to do for a job? Perhaps you could manage her career and write scripts for her.

  8. Katie Clark Says:

    Tore you missed the Serenity showing on Saturday night at the Riverview in St. Paul Actually it was showing Thursday, Friday and Saturday. There were tons of Firefly/Joss Whedon fans there. It was also a fundraiser for the equal rights foundation that Whedon supports. The audience was packed with people who would be v. interested in your efforts to say the least. Have you changed your residence at this point? Not coming back to Minnesota?

  9. Katie Clark Says:

    How are you taking the news?


  10. “What’s this about Katie?”

    Did you not read the article?

  11. Rick and Eliza look pretty happy to me. They moved in together just recently. Must be serious.

  12. I don’t think this basketball player Rick Fox would approve of you marrying Eliza Dushku. They are living together!

  13. Gary Coleman Says:

    What cho’ talkin’ ’bout Worf?

  14. No, this isn’t a joke. It looks like Rick and Eliza are seriously living together.

  15. Plus, look at the sections that refers to Fox’s taste in clothing. Sounds like she has standards that can’t be met by an unemployed individual.

    She’s happy. Be happy for her. If you really love her like you say you do, you’ll let her be happy with the man she loves – Rick Fox.

  16. It takes a man who is secure in himself to admit defeat and move on. You tried your best, and I am sure you will make another attractive young lady very happy. Looks ED and Mr, Fox are for real, dude. They may even marry some day.

  17. “Another Roman holiday on the blog. People just seem to enjoy trying to put down my love for Eliza Dushku.”

    And you love every minute of it. The attention anyway.

    • No. I don’t need your negative attention or remarks. I could have said schadenfreude, but I don’t like the word. I try to focus on all the positive people I met who have signed my petitions,, and supported me and not bitter forum trolls

  18. Gary Coleman Says:

    What you talkin’ bout’ Dooku?

  19. Fantastic, but she doesn’t love you. She loves Rick Fox.

    Dead end.

  20. Obama Mama Says:

    You need to Save Dollhouse. Giving up on your lawsuit? The Judge will sanction you and Dollhouse will not be saved. Are you going to respond to their summary judgment motion?

  21. I don’t understand how Catholic Charities denied your ability to report on the conditions of their shelters. They prohibited you from taking pictures and soliciting signatures, but you still had the ability to take notes and report on your blog the allegedly poor conditions there.

    Cameras and solicitation are banned in most court rooms too, but the press is allowed to attend public hearings and report on them freely, using the written word and illustrations.

  22. Additionally, if indeed a contract existed b/w you and CC’s, was not that contract entered into voluntarily by both sides with the understanding that certain rules and regulations would be followed? By entering said contract, didn’t you waive any first amendment right you may have had to solicit and take pics? Once you broke the rules, didn’t you waive your right to the money you gave them along with any contractual right to stay there?

  23. […] There have also been many disappointments. […]

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